I have never really talked about things going on in my life but I feel writing it here will help me figure it all out.
Just over 2 years ago my dh (Rory) was in a car accident. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I received a call from Rory asking me to pick up a coffee for him because he was on his way home from work. I went through the drive thru at Tim Hortons, left with our coffees in hand when I received a second call from Ror. He was one block from work and had been t-boned, he was frantic, the other drive took off and nobody was stopping to help him (in the middle of rush hour nobody stopped).
He called his staff and they called 911, I managed to find somebody to watch the kids and out to the hospital I went.
Anyway long story short Rory suffered brain damage, tore up his knee, and was in a bad place mentally.
He did decide to go back to work after a couple weeks off, Rory loved his job, he was manager of the shipping department at Electronic Arts and everything in his life was just falling into a perfect place. He just couldn't do it though.
Rory decided after 1 1/2 years that he could no longer handle the stress and anxiety he was feeling daily so he decided to go on medical leave. Rory was assured by his company that he did have disability coverage so he felt he would not be putting his family into any hardship as a result of his taking leave. I believe he would have been off work from the beginning but he was scared it would screw us up financially. Well.......they denied his coverage, they claimed the coverage he was told he had was for American employees only, we are Canadian so they found a loophole. We did pursue legal action but in all honesty the total we would have owed the lawyers was more than the coverage we could have claimed back so we dropped it.
What were we going to do??? Ok house up for sale, that was the answer, would be no problem, houses here were listing and selling in days. Well we certainly were in for a surprise I don't think the house was up for even a week when all of a sudden all the news reports were stating that the market had turned, it was now a buyers market and nothing was selling.
We were still confident though it would happen......well that was until we had a water leak downstairs and the entire flooring was damaged. 6 weeks later we had new floors downstairs, this was great but we missed out on selling the house...we are still for sale if anyone wants a house, lol.
Living with someone with brain damage, anxiety issues and depression can be very taxing on your own mental health. One of the biggest issues I find I face is that all of Rorys issues are invisible so no one truly understands what we are going through. If he had a broken arm or leg or something that people could see they might understand better.
He doesn't want to do anything but sleep or lounge on the couch. We were a very active family prior to this so trying to explain to our 6 year old why Daddy doesn't do anything with us can be very hard, I want to cry every day. If I didn't have an on-line business and on-line contacts I don't know what I would do, because honestly once the kids are in bed I am on my own, Rory heads to bed and I am by myself til bed.
Anyway the reason for this post....I lost it yesterday. The stress of all these issues just boiled over and even though I know Rory cannot help what he is going through it didn't stop me from losing it. I feel terrible but honestly without anyone to talk to throughout this it was just bubbling up inside me. I sat on the bed and cried like a baby and just kept telling Rory how much I wanted my life back, our life back!
Well I have honestly never felt so ashamed when Rory pulled me aside and asked me to step back and take a look. Yes he said you/we don't have the life we dreamed of having but look at what we do have. 2 beautiful children who are happy, a nice home (somebody buy it please, lol), time together that we wouldn't have if we were both working out of the home, and so on. I think this is what he has to do everyday to get through how is life has changed and I am glad he pointed this all out.
Does this mean that I am ok with everything going on...no..but it should help me get through the day with a smile on my face. Instead of looking at what we don't have, just one look at the smile on my little guys face when I am reading them a book or playing at the park makes me realize truly what is important in life.